Having a mixture of emotions today

I am a bit moody nowadays while searching for jobs. Job hunting process is very monotonous and hateful process where u have to send out the resume to convince the employers to hire you and then go thru the cycle of interview, bargaining for better pay and working conditons, and blab blab blab. It can be very annoying to me cos until now, there is no good news from any company which I have sent the resume so far only a few days ago. Yeah I am very impatient hee..

Furthermore, when i recalled about that company who called me up for the interview and discovered that I am hearing impaired, that woman from that HR has an audacity to question about my hearing level and asked me to call her. I politely explained to her that i could not call her on the phone and we could correspond through email. The next day, she has such an effrontery and unspoken priggishness to ask me to call her again when I had politely emailed to her yesterday in a clearly exaggerated black-and-white words, though I wish to write in bold letters "I CANNOT HEAR ON THE TELEPHONE". She further elaborated with such a obvious and yawningly cliche that "handling telephone is part and parcel of the job scope where I have to handle all the phone enquiries with boss, employees and clients." Yes, I should have yawned the biggest one which shld deserve a biggest place in the Guiness Book of Records. Of course, I know it very well and given its highest prestige and recognition accorded to this company, why can't the HR department redesign the job scope in such a way that every disabled with relevant skills can handle their jobs. Handling the telephone enquiries is just a only tip of iceberg but the major bulk of the iceberg is not only depending on the telephone enquiry.

So anyhow instead of wasting my energy to explode like a mad Mount Krakatoa which is reputed as the biggest volcanic eruption in the history, I politely replied to that HR woman that I would not come for the interview and thank her for taking time to clarify with me. In my mind, even if HR does not outrightfully reject before the interview, I am 100% sure that during the interview, I would be definitely rejected so what is the main point of going for the interview since the HR woman has already made it clear that this job requires tele-conversation. I have graciously declined the interview invitation and moved on with other companies. Admittedly, it is no real easy to find a job in Singapore. Sigh..what is the main point of lamenting that job hunting is so onerous....what to do and I have to restructure my paradigm of thinking that in order to survive in Singapore with increasing expenses, I have to rethink of my priorities and my immediate committment. And my saving account is dangeously low after I plonked down all of my hard-earned money on my lunatic dreams! So, sigh sigh sigh..what to do ..so I have no choice but to move on with temporary priorities.

*To add one more point here* Another organisation which i expressed my interest in working has its reservation to hire me. Of course, I felt disappointed and worthless cos no matter how u can produce your impressive resume to the prospective employers, it will never change their attitudes and mindset towards their disabled. Sometimes, I felt cheated and betrayed when someone promised that he/she would follow up with me after his/her return from business trip with his/her plastic smile. And I religiously followed up by sending emails to remind him/her and yet I did not receive any single reply from him/her. I thought that by participating in the Clipper race would change the public perception a bit towards the disabled and encourage the public to give a chance to them to prove thmselves. It was like having a balloon being held preciously in ur hand and someone purposely used his catapult to shoot the stone to burst the balloon. On the other hand, come to think of the other people who are worse off than me, and they have to perserve to find job that meet their basic needs. So, it comforted my thought a bit....

Anyway, this morning, I was walking on the way to work and I crossed the road. I saw a truck reversing towards the traffic light. But the strange thing is that the truck had reversed onto the pavement where many passers-by would walk along to the MRT station because the road was very narrow and had insufficient space for the truck to move sideways. Forgive me for not thinking of an appropriate description cos I am not familiar with the driving terms. Anyway, I noticed a frail old man with silver crown of hair walking towards me and while I noticed the truck reversing closer to the old man. He seemed that he was totally oblivious to the immiment danger behind him and the Indian man was waving at him to get out of its path. The women passers-by seemed that they were not bothered about it at all. I was shocked by their nonchalent behaviours. I was so concerned about that old man's life that I bolted into action to run towards him to alert him of upcoming truck. Fortunately, he managed to get out of the path otherwise, I would probably see the pool of gory red liquid on the ground which is sure enough to traumatize me for the whole life if I just stood there watching him to be knocked down. Then I sms-ed some friends including my dear about that incident and they were so concerned about me whether I was okay. I presumed that they thought I purposely risked my life to save that old man. But to me, I did not think about it cos my main concern is that I want to save his life and I do not want anything happen to someone even though I do not know totally. Sad to say that that old man whom I tried to save him did not thank me...Anyway, it is all right. U dun have to get any thanks for what u have done. Only God knows I have accumulated good merit to erase my karma.


I recalled of watching the ending of "The Devil Wears Prada" where Andy waved to Miranda after Andy decided to leave Miranda's company. Miranda did not respond to her wave and got into the car. Andy seemed to be despondent but after a while, she smiled to herself.... "So what Miranda did not respond to me and at least I have a freedom to choose my life not at the whim of other people." So, it applies to me...after all, I have managed to save someone, which is good enough for me. No need to ask for more.



Whenever I see any dog or cat crossing the road, I would stop by and watch out whether any cars are coming. I am so worried that the car drivers may heartlessly run over them for the mere fun or carelessness. I always try to shout at them or to throw twigs at them to get off the road as soon as possible. I really can't bear to see anyone including the animals to be run over by the cars. I remembered when I was 10 years old, I really witnessed a dog being run over by a car and it was enough to traumatize for many days. I pleaded with my father to stop and took a look at that dog. He refused cos he said that he knew that that dog should have died.

Secondly, I was plagued with the guilty thought of seeing my own dog being run under by the BUS! Oh dear, I just stood stand, feeling helpless as if devils below the surface tried to pull my leg into the ground. I witnessed my own dog being run under the bus and I could hear the high-pitched shrilling cry. I just stood looking stunned and I could not find my dog..Where were u? Pls dun scare me..Come out immediately. All passengers in the bus were stupefied of what was going on. 5 minutes later, my dog struggled to get out from below and cried non-stop. She limped off and I ran towards her. I was so relieved to discover that she was still alive but she could not recover from emotional trauma. Since that incident, I was so guilty to let her wander about without close superivision. Many a night, I could hear her wimping silently. Years later she passed away leaving behind her male and female dogs in my house.